Andy, Peter, Joey, Kristen & I all hung out at the hospital last night. We played a game of Scattegories and pretty much just verbally abused each other. Good times...just like old times. Andy left and the rest of us fell asleep on the couch (ok...I'm sure I was the 1st one to fall asleep but whatever...). It was about midnight and I had my alarm set for 5:00.
It's a roller coaster of emotions. From elation to despair in just seconds. I stayed at the hospital last night but got up at 5 so I could make it home before the girls woke up. I didn't want them waking up and not seeing me again. I went in to see my dad before leaving. I think the moments that I get to spend alone with him are hardest on me. I don't have anyone there to keep me composed and I lose all emotion. I see him and I wonder if he is in pain or if he knows what's going on or if he would even want to be like this. Is there something he's trying to say? Is there something he wants? More important...is there something he needs? None of these things can be answered and it's tough on all of us. I thought talking to a 2 y/o was rough...this takes the cake. At least I can play the guessing game with the girls. Not with my dad.
The nurse said that he needed some breathing treatment early this morning because is oxygen level dropped. But the good thing is that they didn't have to increase the amount of oxygen they're giving him. So for now - he's still @ 60%. From what they told Little Brother - someone with my dads condition usually comes in and is on 20 - 30% of oxygen. He was on 80% and that was at the worst when they said they wouldn't be able to give him much more without it becoming toxic and doing more harm than good. So we're glad it's down to 60% but at the same time...it's still not a good place to be.
They have to suction my dads stomach every now and then. When they do - they put a tube (that's already attached to him) down his throat and suck away. It only takes a second or two but when they do it - he tries to cough and his face gets all distorted...it's clear that it doesn't feel good. Even though he's sedated - he's aware of what's happening. The past 2 times they suctioned him - his whole body started to shake and almost looked like he was convulsing. But then his body calms down and he's back to his normal. The 1st time it happened last night - Little Brother and I were in there. It scared the shit out of me. But Little Brother kept his composure. Of course he did. He's holding strong right now.
Little Brother opens the curtains in the morning so my dad can have sunlight. He talks to my dad and he brings his own sunshine to the room. He walks around the room and just makes sure that everything is just right and not a thing is out of place. He's good like that.
Yesterday sucked big time in terms of family. My mom and I had a fight and it never feels good to argue with someone - never mind when you argue with someone under these circumstances. I think the stress is getting to us all. Hopefully today will be better. I need sleep. We all need sleep. But sleeping means less time with my dad and right now - we don't have time to spare.
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