Changes

Tonight was a rough night. Dad's chest tube had some blood in it. His breathing was very labored. His blood pressure and heart rate were too high. He just looked like he was uncomfortable and in pain. The nurse came in and agreed that something needed to be done so she called the resident. An xray of his chest was ordered and so was a blood gas. Both came back pretty quickly and the xray showed he had a pocket of air that collapsed his left lung. They think the chest tube he had in was dislodged somehow...maybe when they turned him or moved him. Who knows how - but the important thing is what to do about it now. His blood gas was also not good.

The plan: Surgery to remove existing chest tube and put in a new chest tube that will remove the air pocket and hopefully in time his lung will expand again. They also made some changed to his meds to lower his BP and HR. They made some changed to his oxygen levels by going from 60% up to 80%. And they sedated him again.

The surgery took about an hour and his BP dropped - enough to put him on more meds to higher it (read the 1st paragraph...his BP was too high and he was on meds to lower it). His blood gas came back and now his CO2 is too high so they have to readjust his oxygen level. They went from 80% down to 60% and moved his breathing rate to 26 times per minute.

That is just the medical aspect of it. I broke down again. I can't seem to keep it together today (yesterday? it's 1:45). Here's my problem...his eyes are open, he's wincing in pain, he's struggling to breath, he has body sores all over and he's NOT sedated OR even on any pain meds. So what if he's all there in his head and he's screaming at us "Hey! I'm here and I'm hurting! Do something!" I mean isn't that a real fear of everyone? To be perfectly mentally capable of thinking, knowing, feeling, understanding...but be incapable of communicating? The thought that he was suffering and in a lot pain and we weren't doing anything about it just killed me. It tore out every piece of my heart and drained every ounce of my energy tonight.

But that was then. A few hours have passed and this is now. He's sedated. His BP is ok. His HR is ok. They removed the old chest tube and put in a new one. They gave him pain medication and sedation. He looks much better because he's sedated but at least I know he's not in pain. At least I know he's not laying there screaming for help but unable to say a word. And if he is all there mentally - at least he knows that we are here for him and doing everything in our power to make him better.

I'm going home now because there is another family that has a loved one in the ICU. She's here for the long haul as well and there is a family member that is staying here 24/7 which means we need to be courteous enough to give up one of our couches. There are only 4 in the waiting room. So Brother, Little Brother & Kristin will stay. They will keep me posted or I will kill them (or I'll just make them put Hailey to bed for a week...that's punishment enough).