Today they took my dad off all of his sedation. The plan is for the doctors to see what kind of response/reaction they get from him while off the medication. It's hard to see him right now. He's gagging on his breathing tube with every breath he takes. He wasn't like this before. Plus his eyes are open...but it's like he can't see anything.
This is breaking us all down..piece by piece. How are we suppose to keep it together? Pete simply asked me this morning how last night went...and I broke down. I texted a friend that I haven't been talking to this week - it's someone I talk to everyday, several times a day. Just texting her made me break down. Writing this blog is making me break down.
I'm not sad for myself right now. I'm not sad that my dad is dying...well I am. But that's not what's taking it's toll. What is killing me is seeing my brothers have their hearts torn out slowly. Sure - girls are suppose to cry. But men...they're strong and don't show emotions. And to see my brothers cry uncontrollably is heart wrenching.
On top of that...there is someone that was here earlier -Rick. He was someone that worked for my dad for a very long time at the shop. My brother Pete and him were talking about some of things they use to do at the shop...bringing back some old (but good) memories. Ugh...this kills me. I don't want to have to listen to reminiscing stories about my 57 y/o father. It doesn't make sense. And my brother's shouldn't be talking about the good 'ol times yet. It's not fair.
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