The worst is that I'm still not over burying my father. I don't get time to go and see him as often as I'd like (I don't take the girls there). I cry A LOT and it sucks. I can't stop thinking and focusing on his last moments in the hospital bed. I wish I never saw that. I wish to God that he had passed peacefully and we were never in the position to have to make that life altering decision. I wish I didn't have to see the people that came to grieve and I wish I had more time to tell him the things I'd like to say.
There was a lot more to this post but most of it got deleted. I think I just need some sleep right now.
Sorry. Its takes different amounts of time for everyone to come to terms with death. It must be really hard for you if you are still feeling so raw while others may seem to have moved on. Remember what you see isn't always what is. You my friend a perfect example. You make it seem to easy and fun to be a Mom - you always seem so together, so ready to laugh and your house is definitely cleaner than mine! Yet inside you have this sadness that no one else is aloud to see . . . try sharing this stuff with someone you care about. Love you!
ReplyDeleteHey Honey,
ReplyDeleteIt has been 12 years since my Dad died and I still cry - there is not a day that goes where I wish that I could tell him something or ask his advice about something so I understand. While the sharpeness with the pain of loss may begin to diminish overtime, it is never erased. It's okay to feel your loss, to wish he were still here and to be angry/sad/etc. that he is gone. Feel my arms around you sweetheart...............I love you very much.