could be worse

I've been so down in the dumps lately.  Nothing and I mean nothing has been working to get me out of it.  I'm considering a trip to the doc.  Days like today though remind me why I quit my job and stay home with my girls.  Time goes by so quickly and I'll never have another chance and raising kids so this is my one and only shot at it. 

We're feeling the financial hit of me being home with the girls now.  I'm working (cleaning) but I'm not making even 1/4 of what I was making before.  The $ is good when I work but work is slow.  I never thought I wouldn't go somewhere because I wasn't sure I could afford gas $ would even be part of my internal thoughts...but it is now.  I know we'll manage and we'll make it through this.  And I know it's not forever - but it just doesn't ease the pain of the here and now of wanting/needing things and not having the $ to just go out and buy them. 

Last night I washed the girls potty seats for the last time.  They're going to have to use the big potty from now on.  They won't have potty seats at school and they have regular bathrooms - so the girls need to learn to adjust to getting up on the seat and wiping themselves and so on.  I was kinda bummed cuz I realized they have had these seats since they turned a year old.  2.5 years now :(

They also had their 1st hair cut yesterday.  I'm not thrilled with it but then again...I'm only good for throwing their hair up in a pony on top of their heads so really...it's not a big deal.  Just adds to the fact that my babies aren't really babies anymore.  Oh - and someone could have told me that I'm suppose to keep their hair from their 1st haircut.  I had no idea....but Pete's mom showed up so she could see the girls get their hair done and she kept it.  Good thing...I would have let it get swept away! 

Then today I woke up and realized I want to go see my grandmother but I really don't think I can afford the gas $ to get there and back this week (me feeling sorry for myself again).  Plus she smokes (a lot!) so I would want to just stay for a little bit and then go out to lunch or something so we're not stuck in the house with the girls. 

I spent a good hour on the computer finding out how I could con my way into a public pool in 2 nearby towns so the girls and I could go swimming.  The rules in every town are just about the same though...you have to be a resident or with a resident to use the pool.  It never occurred to me that my own damn town has it's own damn public pools.  I have no idea what's wrong with my brain sometimes but rather than try to explain it - I just move on.  I finally checked our own town and we have 4 public outdoor pools.  2 of them have wading pools!  So I called one and they open at 10:00, they have a park and it's FREE.  The girls and I packed a lunch and some snacks and headed out.  We travel really light so we put our suits on before leaving, grabbed 3 towels, the sunblock and our lunch bags.  Off we went.  It was SO. MUCH. FUN.  The pool is only 12"-18" deep and they have a lifeguard on duty!  Not that I would let the girls just go and swim alone...but I felt better that someone else would be watching my girls with me. 

One thing I don't do is carry my phone on me when the girls are in water.  I've heard way too many horror stories.  So when there's water...it's all eyes on them and not my phone.  We took a break from swimming so we could eat lunch and during lunch I checked my phone.  I had a message about a dear friend we've been talking to via FB.  Her 8y/o daughter Hailey lost her battle with cancer this morning.  God it hit me so hard - it took my breath away.  And of course it made me realize that life is fragile and can't be taken for granted. 

So these are the days that I am grateful to be able to spend as much time with my girls as I do.  I guess God has His ways of reminding us to keep our minds and hearts on the good and not to focus on the bad.  My girls are healthy, beautiful and full of love.