Different Parenting Approach

I've been doing A LOT of reading lately on parenting.  I wish kids came with instructions like baking a cake.  But they don't.  And Lord have mercy on the soul of a parent who doesn't do it the 'normal' way.  And let's define 'normal'.  Normal would be whatever THAT PARENT does.  So basically if you have a different parenting style than the person you're talking to then don't bother talking shop.  It will drive you both nuts. 

I'm NOT perfect.  But being a mom is something I take seriously.  And I only get one chance at this mom thing.  So I want to make it tolerable to all of those involved.  I'm trying to parent in a positive way without yelling (this is HARD), no time outs (this was easy for me to ditch) and with giving the girls more authority and power.  The balance is TOUGH.  But what I'm finding most difficult is changing ME.  You learn what you live right?  So my parents believed in spankings, yelling, time out, do as I say and not as I do mentality, "I'm the mom that's why" rule and so on.  It wasn't wrong - it's just not the way I want to do things.  But I fall back on that upbringing so often and it takes me time and effort to remind myself that it's not me...calm down and make the change. 

I rely HEAVILY on a timer.  I was late to school with the girls for the 1st 3 months I think.  One day I realized that we're not late because of them but we're late because of ME.  The next day I said to the girls "I'm setting the timer, when it goes off you have 4 minutes to put your shoes on.  If your shoes are on before the timer goes off, you may bring a toy of choice in the car to play with on your way to school today.  If your shoes are not on, I will help you put them on and you won't be able to bring a toy in the car."  We were on time that day.  Sure they pushed their limits and there are still days when they don't put their shoes on before the 2nd timer goes off.  But guess what?  I don't have to yell at them to put their shoes on.  It's simple - at 7:20 the alarm goes off and they know it's time for shoes.  At 7:24 I usually have 3 kids saying "hey - I beat the timer and I want to bring _____ in the car!"  No problem...your choice!  Bath time was also becoming a problem.  They want to play and whine and argue and play before taking off their clothes and getting in the tub.  So they now have 2 minutes to take their clothes off and get in the bathroom.  The other 'rule' I have is DON'T STOP MOVING!  This only makes it fun.  If they have to wiggle a leg or arm, or jump around while attempting to take off a shirt or sock - they're laughing instead of arguing with me. 

I don't give time outs anymore.  But they do get some 'chill out' time in their rooms.  If they're out of control and not able to calm down - they go to their room for some relax time.  No time limit on this - they can come out when they're calm. 

I give them choices for EVERYTHING.  "You want to put your shirt on 1st or your pants on 1st?" "Do you want your hot dog in a bun or plain?" "Do you want it cut or not cut?" "Do you want ketchup or BBQ sauce?"  Choices are IMPORTANT.  They give kids power and control without the struggle. 

AND let me recap - I'M NOT PERFECT.  So on a daily basis I falter and something goes wrong.  I'll yell or snap or start barking orders.  Those are the moments that I need to learn to control more.  If I can't control my own attitude - how can I expect the girls to control theirs?  And even though I falter - the girls are forgiving and they still call me Mommy and they still give me another chance at parenting.