Different Parenting Approach

I've been doing A LOT of reading lately on parenting.  I wish kids came with instructions like baking a cake.  But they don't.  And Lord have mercy on the soul of a parent who doesn't do it the 'normal' way.  And let's define 'normal'.  Normal would be whatever THAT PARENT does.  So basically if you have a different parenting style than the person you're talking to then don't bother talking shop.  It will drive you both nuts. 

I'm NOT perfect.  But being a mom is something I take seriously.  And I only get one chance at this mom thing.  So I want to make it tolerable to all of those involved.  I'm trying to parent in a positive way without yelling (this is HARD), no time outs (this was easy for me to ditch) and with giving the girls more authority and power.  The balance is TOUGH.  But what I'm finding most difficult is changing ME.  You learn what you live right?  So my parents believed in spankings, yelling, time out, do as I say and not as I do mentality, "I'm the mom that's why" rule and so on.  It wasn't wrong - it's just not the way I want to do things.  But I fall back on that upbringing so often and it takes me time and effort to remind myself that it's not me...calm down and make the change. 

I rely HEAVILY on a timer.  I was late to school with the girls for the 1st 3 months I think.  One day I realized that we're not late because of them but we're late because of ME.  The next day I said to the girls "I'm setting the timer, when it goes off you have 4 minutes to put your shoes on.  If your shoes are on before the timer goes off, you may bring a toy of choice in the car to play with on your way to school today.  If your shoes are not on, I will help you put them on and you won't be able to bring a toy in the car."  We were on time that day.  Sure they pushed their limits and there are still days when they don't put their shoes on before the 2nd timer goes off.  But guess what?  I don't have to yell at them to put their shoes on.  It's simple - at 7:20 the alarm goes off and they know it's time for shoes.  At 7:24 I usually have 3 kids saying "hey - I beat the timer and I want to bring _____ in the car!"  No problem...your choice!  Bath time was also becoming a problem.  They want to play and whine and argue and play before taking off their clothes and getting in the tub.  So they now have 2 minutes to take their clothes off and get in the bathroom.  The other 'rule' I have is DON'T STOP MOVING!  This only makes it fun.  If they have to wiggle a leg or arm, or jump around while attempting to take off a shirt or sock - they're laughing instead of arguing with me. 

I don't give time outs anymore.  But they do get some 'chill out' time in their rooms.  If they're out of control and not able to calm down - they go to their room for some relax time.  No time limit on this - they can come out when they're calm. 

I give them choices for EVERYTHING.  "You want to put your shirt on 1st or your pants on 1st?" "Do you want your hot dog in a bun or plain?" "Do you want it cut or not cut?" "Do you want ketchup or BBQ sauce?"  Choices are IMPORTANT.  They give kids power and control without the struggle. 

AND let me recap - I'M NOT PERFECT.  So on a daily basis I falter and something goes wrong.  I'll yell or snap or start barking orders.  Those are the moments that I need to learn to control more.  If I can't control my own attitude - how can I expect the girls to control theirs?  And even though I falter - the girls are forgiving and they still call me Mommy and they still give me another chance at parenting. 

Sunday Funday

Hmmm - just logged into Blogger for the 1st time in a while and it's all different.  Hope this post doesn't get deleted.  Been a while since I've blogged.  Though so much happens - I just haven't had the umph to get back into blogging.  I'll try harder.  I feel guilty when I don't blog because it's a day I can't get back -so if I'm writing things daily it'll give the girls a look back at their life.  An internet diary ;)

So since I can't go back.  I'll move forward. 

Today we took the girls to a day tripping and getaway expo type of event.  It was full of people trying to advertise their vacation spots.  We went because the 1st 50 people would receive free tickets to the CT Science Center (at $17 a piece...we wanted them).  Long story short - we were within the 1st 20 there but the way the event was organized UNorganized...we ended up not getting tickets due to people getting them before us.  It's ok though - we had a good time.  The girls scored some neat stuff that will end up in the junk pile within a week I'm sure lol. 

When we got home - I took the girls to the park to play while Pete mowed the lawn.  Then Rosemary and Bobby came over and we all had dinner.  The girls were in bed at 6:00 and asleep by 6:01.  Lately if they don't take naps they go to bed way early.  Last night they were asleep by 5:30 and didn't wake up until 6:30 this morning.  They've pretty much been sleeping through the night without any problems.  LOVE IT!

Horsing around

Special time with Emily ;)

Rain or shine

On our way to the park

Easter 2012

Easter will always be bitter sweet to me since 2010.  The year my dad passed away and we spent 8 long days before his passing hanging out in the ICU.  Easter was spent that year trying to keep the girls happy without missing out on our last moments with my dad. 

This year we took a trip to the DC area to spend some time with Pete's cousins.  We stayed with one of his cousins and they have a 3y/o little (big!) girl...Sofia.  She is simply amazing.  What I enjoyed most was that the girls all got along.  It reminded me of times when I was little and visited with my 2 older cousins Kate & Jen.  To this day we share a bond that's more like sisters rather than cousins.  I want that for my girls but it's not something that can be forced.  Plus - the distance is far too great to spend as much time as we'd like to. 

The trips down/back were easy as it can be with 3 preschoolers.  The girls actually didn't watch any DVD's but they did have their iTouches and they played games.  They sang and they talked and watched things out of the window.  They didn't sleep much though!  It took us 9 hours to get down (we stopped A LOT).  The trip back was cut down to 7 hours.  A bit too short for Emily's standards though because she does indeed get car sick.  To her credit - she waited until we were driving down our street to say "Mommy - I'm going to throw up..."  She didn't though.  Once we got out of the car and played outside in the cool air for a while she was fine.  Next time - we'll make it a point to make longer stops.  Being car sick isn't a fun feeling :( 

We saw a lot of family while down there and the girls did surprisingly well considering their lack of social skills.  (To those that don't know them well they'd think I was crazy to say they don't have social skills but I know their potential and I see all of their personalities). 

Family is something I want for my girls.  At the end of a day - family is what you have.  You might think you have some solid friends but in the end - family is concrete.  Family is what you have when you walk away and come back years later and are able to pick up right where you left off.  Family is that who doesn't judge you for who you should be or what you should have but rather for who are and the person you've become.  It's not about money or status - it's simply about friendship and love. 

I love my family.  I miss my dad.